Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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