Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.