there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.