either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
