It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.