I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"