I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?