I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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