well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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