there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
