I feel like I'm in dance class right now
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
