Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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