then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize