his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
