He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
