Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No subtext here. People are naked.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
