I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
