I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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