They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
