you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
