He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
