That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
