also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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