I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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