I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
