Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what day is it and did you see me today?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
