she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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