He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok