Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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