I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week