Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
