YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
