Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The struggles of a small town man whore
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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