my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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