You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
