So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
