Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
