Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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