I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
