im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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