Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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