can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
