Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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