The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
