I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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