Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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