Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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