i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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