Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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