Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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