Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
