i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
