I cockslap morals
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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