i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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