So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
