the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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