Im at strip club and am horny
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
