Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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