Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
