How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
