i can't believe i had my finger in that
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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