Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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