It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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