Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
