I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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