someone threw a dead crab at me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
