I've blown a few things in my day
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
