Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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