god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
